Some call it selfish, i call it self preservation - reflections from a spontaneous trip to Santa Fe, New Mexico

I did something wild and spontaneous last week. I booked a trip to Santa Fe, New Mexico BY MYSELF. I woke up in the high desert 6 days after I booked my flight.

This is a pretty big deal considering I have a 3-year-old, a dog, an extremely busy husband who’s a professor on the tenure track (if ya know, ya know).

I have a lot of responsibilities, people who depend on me, and we don’t have reliable childcare right now.

Yet, I knew intuitively that I had to go to Santa Fe. I knew that it had to be NOW. I had a vague sense that if I didn’t go when I did, it wasn’t going to happen. In retrospect, I'm proud of myself because…

✨ I listened to my inner knowing and

✨ I prioritized myself over everyone and everything else. 

 Some may call this selfish; I call it self-preservation. 

As I sat on the plane flying across the great planes toward Albuquerque, I knew intuitively that there was something I needed to bring to the surface to process. I sensed that whatever it was, I wasn't able to see it amid the fullness of my daily life. 

It felt as if a force compelled me to go even though it made no practical sense. I’m still in awe of how the trip came together. I'm still a bit stunned that I received the healing opportunity I needed when I needed it most.

None of this was conscious, but it sure as hell was guided by a quiet inner knowing I've come to trust and rely on. 

I have a deep connection to New Mexico. I lived there for 6 years; I completed my Eastern Medicine education and clinical training there; I fell in love and married my husband there; we got pregnant with our first baby there. I consider Santa Fe the geographical location of my heart center. 

When I reconnected with the wide-open mesas and great big sky, I easily saw what I’d been overlooking. The volume of my inner knowing effortlessly turned way up. I had space and stillness to process and release.

Quite unexpectedly, a surge of grief welled up within me. It felt freeing to feel it fully and let the wind carry it away for me. 

Over the years I've learned to listen and trust that quiet inner knowing that is always gently guiding my path. I track my internal North Star even when it requires me to move mountains to follow its directives.

I have not once regretted following this inner knowing. Indeed, I attribute all the blessings in my life to the inherent wisdom of my inner knowing. 

And my hastiness in booking the trip? Well, it turned out to be quite accurate...

While I was away, my mother was hospitalized for a serious medical condition induced by stress. I arrived home from the airport last night at midnight. As I type this, I’m sitting in a hospital chair beside her bed where she is sleeping.

Now I fully understand why I went when I did. Had I not gone last week, I wouldn’t have been able to go. Thankfully, my mom is expected to make a full recovery. 

Most of us here are women, mothers, and nurturers. However you define yourself, if you're reading this you've likely inherited a narrative of martyrdom.

You've likely sacrificed your own needs, desires, and dreams for the benefit of someone else. We are praised for being selfless and for putting our needs last. 

But what are the long-term ramifications of this?

It’s all so clear now that I’m seeing two versions play out in front of me.

We’ve been conditioned to mistrust our needs and desires. We’ve been conditioned to forfeit them for the good of others, but what good are we to others when we are just barely surviving each day?

How generous, loving, and patient can we be when we're exhausted, reactive, and irritable? 

We have the power to unhook from damaging cultural narratives. The one that tells us to do more, to always be productive.

Ironically, this narrative also tells us that no matter how much we do, it's never enough. It’s a losing battle until we learn how to opt out of it completely. 

This is an example of the work we do in The Yin Way Program. As more and more women experience this program and find themselves undergoing a slow, but profound metamorphosis, I’m even more confident that this work is needed, necessary, and valuable.

It quite literally can prevent stress-induced illness and disease. It quite literally can save your life.  

If we don't take good care of ourselves, our lives will be filled with unnecessary suffering. I know it’s not easy to put ourselves first, but I want to remind you that it matters.

This doesn't mean that we put ourselves first all of the time. Rather, it means that we are able to honor that quiet inner knowing inside of us and create spaces in which we can listen to it more closely and follow it’s guidance.

A few of my relatives assumed I felt guilty being away while this crisis with my mother unfolded. They lovingly attempted to comfort me. I see now how far I’ve come from unhooking from these destructive narratives.

I did not feel guilty, I felt proud. 

✨ Proud that I listened to my inner knowing and moved mountains to take an impractical trip. 

✨ Proud that I took that trip because now when my life requires me to show up fully, I have extra energy, love, and patience to spare. 

I get to show up to support everyone who needs me with intention and measure, rather than reacting from a place of fear and survival.

I don’t know how to quantify this other than saying that I’m navigating this storm from inside a quiet and peaceful center. 

I share my recent experience with you as a gentle reminder that taking good care of yourself is really important. I also want to let you know that if you desire to connect with the quiet inner knowing inside of you, if you are tired of the damaging narratives that unconsciously govern your life, if you are ready for something different, something better, please know I’m here to support you in a variety of ways. 

Don’t let yourself crash and burn before you realize that you deserve to nurture yourself as well as you nurture those you love. Remember that taking good care doesn’t require hours of self-care each week or expensive visits to the spa. 

Inside The Yin Way Program, we cover easy, effortless self-care and how to create a sustainable lifestyle that supports your mind, body, and soul.

You can now enjoy this course on demand with the “go at your own pace” option. See HERE for more details. 

Remember, you’re not alone. I’m here to support you on your healing path, no matter how rocky or tangential the journey may be.

Xo, Rachel